Finally!

I think everybody that is really important in our lives, now knows that we are expecting baby number 3. Because of the 3 miscarriages that I've had, I feel like I should be pregnant with number 4... but I am so excited just to be expecting. Number 4 will come in time.


I now realize that the excitement of carrying a baby doesn't get old, no matter how many babies you have. Of course, that excitement is really strong for the first two weeks of pregnancy, and then wanes dramatically as you hold your head over the toilet bowl for the next 12 weeks. After that, the baby love returns with full force.

My friend, and ultra-sound technician, Tiffany, happily and willingly did an ultra sound two weeks ago. I kept my eyes averted from the screen so that I wouldn't know if it was a boy or a girl. She put the results in a sealed envelope and I went home. James and I had originally planned to give the envelope to Dixie (James' mom) over dinner our first night of our cruise.  We had determined that it would be the first and best moment with all of James' family to make the announcement. Only two of his siblings knew that we were pregnant, so it was a surprise for everybody else. Anyway, I say that was the original plan because that's not what happened. We were surprised to have almost everybody in our home the night before we left on the cruise, so we figured that would be as good a time as any. We were happy and excited to find out that baby number three is a girl.

It makes all the difference to know what you're having. I think James was slightly disappointed at first that it wasn't a boy (mostly because he LOVES the boy name we have picked out) but now that he can focus on the fact that we are having a girl, he is very excited. Lizzy has him wrapped around her finger, and he knows it, so the prospect of another little girl to love is exciting to him. James chose the name Siri Juliette. (Siri means, victorious beauty. Cool huh?) I completely gave him the choice because he really resisted the boy name that I had chosen for a while, but I was pretty insistent on the boy name, so he had agreed to it. (Little did I know how much he would fall in love with the boy name to the point that he REALLY wanted a boy so we could use it!)  Anyway, I would have chosen a different girl name, but thought it was only fair to let him decide.

So, there's the news that everybody already knew! We anxiously look forward to this summer, when we will finally be a family of 5!

Stay tuned for a post about our cruise.

"I Speak Chinese"

If any of us could understand Chinese, we might be able to understand Lizzy. 

Lizzy knows a lot of words, but she LOVES to talk, and this is how she talks. She does it the most when she is on the phone with her Daddy. She loves talking to him on the phone. He, of course, loves it.

Good News

Warning! Boring story to follow!

There is no doubt, and we won't deny it, that James is stuck in a dead end job. Installing cable for comcast hardly feels like a real career. Why doesn't he just quit then, you ask?  The money is too good. Even if that weren't an issue, James has no idea what he wants to do. He knows what he can't and won't do, but anything that sounds appealing to him just isn't a career type of job.

We're taking steps to get James away from this job, but if our plans work out, he still has to work there for another 5-10 years, which is fine to some extent. The problem has been that this last year, a lot of changes have been made at his job that has made it worse instead of a better situation. He's had to work mandatory over time for the last 9 months. His only day off is Sunday, except on the occasions that he hasn't had to work overtime, he also gets Monday off. (This is a pain in the neck for a few reasons, but mostly because any time there is service to be done within the church, it takes place on Saturday, a day that James works.) James has had to trade in his nice vehicle for a less nice vehicle. The way that their work is assigned out has changed in such a way that James gets less jobs done = less money, and he is gone for longer hours. Now they have completely changed the way they get paid and so far the result is less money. Overall, the changes made have not been beneficial to us and have had an overall affect of James starting to resent his job.

 For the last 5 years that James has worked for Pioneer, the only cable they have installed is residential. That means he gets to go into 2-5 different houses each day. (People aren't as clean as one would hope. James has put his knees into many a dog's pee and poop pile.) However, Comcast just informed Pioneer that they could choose around 5 of their employees to start installing for businesses. That means, for the technicians chosen: no dog pee or poop. Or smoke, porn, or druggies. No more being yelled at by customers, having neighbors call the cops because he is in their back yard, no more being accused of stealing prescription meds and marijuana, no more awkward feelings of installing cable while the girl who is hitting on him decides to use the bathroom right next to where he is working and purposely leaves the door open while she is doing her business.

James has always been the favorite of his bosses. I know James will be embarrassed that I'm bragging about him right now, but the fact of the matter is that he is the best employee they have, bar none. His bosses know it too, and James has the nickname of "Poster Boy" among the other technicians. I'm proud of him but I'm not surprised either. I married him because he's the best!

So, what's the good news you ask? Because James is the best, he had first dibs on being one of the technicians installing for businesses. He jumped at the chance and honestly can't wait.  The money is supposed to be better, he'll probably get a nicer vehicle again, he won't have to deal with mean, nasty people, and his favorite part of the whole deal: his new schedule will be working Monday through Friday!

He starts training on Tuesday, and it will last for two weeks. The draw back here is that he will only get paid $10 an hour during training. Oh well.  It will be worth it.  I'm so happy to see his spirits up and excited to do something new. He deserves every good thing that comes his way.

Lizzy is 2!

So, blogger is a bit different and all these pictures are in here backwards from what I thought I was putting them in.  Oh well! 

This picture is of me with an inside view to the undecorated birthday cake.  It made some people sad that I didn't decorate it. 

 The birthday girl with her cake. We let Logan blow out the candle.  This must be his post blowing out the candle face. The kid makes a lot of weird faces. Just keep scrolling down to see what I mean.

 Still missing three cake pans needed for the cake!

 Family picture!

 The birthday girl and her crooked smile.

 Scoping out our plan of attack on the slide.

 Super steep slide for a little girl. She crash landed at the bottom, but got up with a smile!

 The ascent. I told you the pictures are in backwards.

 Lizzy posing (crooked smile and all) on her "new" used rocking horse. She LOVES it and will shove you off if you get on it.  Logan has already incurred her wrath.

 Crooked smile again. She's opening her glow worm, and Logan is holding her parrot flash light. The flash light was from grandma and it has been a very loved toy already.  Lizzy also got some pajamas and hair clips from her other grandma, and a new Christmas dress.

 Weird face by Logan again. I picked Logan up from pre-school (with Lizzy in tow) and had James set out the birthday presents while we were gone. These were the looks on their faces when they came in the house and saw the presents.

 My pretty princess in her new dress. Isn't she a doll?

Our little Lizabef sure keeps us entertained. She's got James wrapped around her finger. She learns new words every day, but once she learns them, they are not used with patience. As soon as she figured out the word "drink", she'll stand in front of the fridge and scream it at us until we get her some milk.  She loves to get dressed every day, and she really loves taking all of my shoes out of the closet and wearing them around.  Whenever her hair is done, I'll give it a quick spritz with hair spray, and she'll grin really big, admiring herself in the mirror while I do that.

Lizzy is a thumb sucker. Of the worst kind. I kind of think it's cute, because it makes her seem like she is still my baby, but James hates it, so we've gone to extreme measures to stop it. She seemed to like the taste of hot sauce. The special, no sucking your thumb, nail polish had no effect (but it worked on Logan!).  We've duct taped her thumbs, but she either just pulls it off (how?!) or she just sucks her thumb with the duct tape on it. We've just stayed on top of the situation, constantly telling her to take it out, or taking it out for her. Through this all, we've discovered that she is a very determined child, and will probably always get what she wants because she won't have it any other way.

Lizzy loves books, and to be sung to. She loves to give hugs and to be held. She is a very loving child. Every night after our bedtime routine, she squeals with delight as she runs down the hall to her room. She'll jump in bed and then insist on giving her daddy a million and one hugs. (She loves this routine so much, that she refuses to let me be the one put her to bed. Daddy needs to do it.) She cries every night when daddy ends the hugging, and turns out the light.

At Lizzy's 18 month appointment, she gave the doctor a good demonstration of her fit throwing skills. He calmly commented that it looked like she had entered "the terrible two's" a little early. It's was a "good sign" that she will come out of them earlier than most kids. I'm looking forward to that day.  Lizzy is all drama; screaming at you if you look at her wrong. Really. This is most frustrating with Logan because he likes to look at her wrong a lot. He loves the screaming.

Lizzy is developing the way a normal, healthy two year old should. The only thing she is lacking is all of her teeth. She is still missing 4 teeth that she should have had a year ago, so to even consider her having her 2 year old molars is just laughable. We don't know when she'll get the rest of her teeth, but she doesn't seem to need them. She has always had an insatiable appetite, especially for apples, clementines, grapes, and tomatoes.

We love our little girl, and we feel so blessed to have had the last two years with her. We look forward to watching her grow up and become the strong, self confident woman we know she will be. Happy Birthday to my Lizzy Girl!

Strange Anxiety

I woke up this morning remembering my dream, and realized that it was a common themed dream I've been having lately. Not the same dream, just the same theme. I wish I knew what it meant.

In my dream I was in high school, but with all the same demands of my adult life. It was a Tuesday, and I came upon a huge group of my friends from band class. Seeing them triggered a memory that Candlelight was the next two nights. (Candlelight is a huge musical production that my high school puts on every year at Christmas time. It's a very big deal.) I ran up to my friend, Andrea, and double checked with her that Candlelight was indeed the next two nights. She confirmed that it was. I became very agitated because I had other obligations those two nights (my real life adult responsibilities). I knew that if I missed the concert both nights I would get a failing grade in band. And that's just lame. Who fails band? Anyway, I woke up shortly after that.

My other dreams consist of me going to band class and not being able to find my trumpet, or my music. Or there will be other concerts that are going to be in the next couple of days, but I'm worried because I know I haven't practiced, or gone to band class at all, for that matter.

It's seriously ridiculous the amount of times I've had dreams like this. I'm not sure where they stem from either. I'm sure it says something about my regular anxiety levels of feeling prepared for things... but I don't really know.

Facebook Friend

I'll admit that I'm not a great friend, I guess you could just call me a "facebook friend". Always around, but not really there. I've always tried to blame it on the fact that we moved around a lot when I was a kid, so I never got to keep the same friends for more than a few years. I had one friend from 5th grade, Shannon, that tried hard to keep in touch with me. It was my fault that we no longer really communicate. And I deeply regret that, for I had in her, truly a best friend that I lost. (Although, I did find her on facebook, yay!)

Ok, so the point I'm trying to get at: is my excuse is really just an excuse? My sister, only two years older than me, is a great friend to all her past friends from every place we've lived. She has made their friendship her priority. So what is wrong with me? I'm such a bad friend that I have told friends that after we or they move, I probably won't do a good job of staying up to date with them.

I'm a bad friend to any friend I used to have but no longer see. I'm sorry.

Change of subject, but it'll all loop back around, I promise.

Last night James and I were talking about how he would get into fist fights as a kid. The person he got into the most fist fights with was his best friend! I couldn't understand this. Not for the life of me. Why would two people who claim to be best friends, want to hit each other? I went to sleep perplexed. In the morning, I reread something my friend from high school (yep, still my friend!) wrote about me on facebook. It's one of those things where I had to hit "like" in order for her to answer a bunch of questions about me. Here it is:

@ Alicia 1- I've gotten to see all of your fabulous cakes when you post them on your facebook 2- You used to be red, but now you are lilac 3- My first memory of you was at church when we were Beehives, and I remember the first time you cal...led my Aunt Marnee, "Aunt Marnee" because you thought it was just a token title - you didn't know she was actually my aunt 4- You are a Dog, and I mean that in the very best way - you are dependable and loyal through and through 5- I've always wondered how I stack up against all of the new friends you have in your ward 6- My favorite thing about you is that no matter how long it's been since I've talked to you, I can call you and it feels like I can still say anything 7- My first impression of you was that you were pretty and you were competition and that you must be eliminated. ;-)

Did you see #5? Go back and read it again. I think I know why Jill wonders how she stacks up against all of my new friends. You see, every week I write an email that tells about my week. I send it to my whole family, and to two very good friends. Jill and Carlee. I don't ever spend time with Jill or Carlee, or talk to them on a regular basis, but I do spend time with other friends and I write about it in my email. #5 made me ponder how Jill does stack up against my other friends. And this is what I came to realize:

Jill and I used to fight. A lot. If girls were the type to get into fist fights, we both would have had some bruised eyes and broken noses. (Instead, girls fight with words.) But I know Jill and I will always be friends, because, well, we just will. We made a pinky promise to be neighbors in heaven, and that kind of promise doesn't just go away. Jill and I may not speak on a regular basis, but somehow our friendship became more solidified than any other.

I have to take a quick second to mention that the same goes for my friend Carlee. We've just been through too much with each other. I actually think we did hit each other a few times. :)

Is it the fighting with each other that marks the sign of a lasting friendship? I hope not. Because I have some great friends right now that I have never wanted to hit. I still doubt myself that I will be capable of keeping up with them if one or the other of us ever moves. But, I'd like to think that I'm growing up and can be more capable of being a good friend.

My Daddy

I miss my dad. He died over three years ago, and I regret a lot things about not having him around anymore. My regrets mostly revolve around the fact that I don't have any good pictures of him. Theses two are pretty much the best ones I've got.

I like the above picture because I think James is A LOT like my dad. I guess I should ask my mom if she feels that way too. They also have birthday's one day apart. Hence they are both blowing out the candles. I like that I have a picture with both of them together.

You can tell in the one below how sick he was near the end. He passed just 6 months after this picture was taken. This was on my mom's birthday. As an interesting side note, I made both of the cakes. This was a time before my cake decorating fetish. But I had my fetish for eating good cake. :)

Another regret I have is not taking more advantage of the time I had with him, to ask him stories about himself etc. He loved to answer any questions, about anything, we ever had. That made him a great dad.

Anyway, like I said, he's been gone for over three years and I miss him. However, Heavenly Father blessed me with one of His tender mercies. About a year ago I pulled a random book off a shelf at my mom's house. (I don't remember what the book was.) But inside the book was a folded up piece of paper. Just at first glance it looks like a typed up letter and almost immediately I saw at the bottom of the page it said "written by Ronald E. Ward". That's my dad. My curiosity was piqued. I hurried to read what the letter said and was extremely surprised and touched by what I read.

May 29, 2002

When you start getting older there is a lot that can make you feel bad. You can't do half the things you used to do. You're no longer interested in most of the things that used to be entertaining. You can't remember things. It takes you twice as long to do basic chores. Your body aches when you want to lie down and rest.

There are so many things to make you feel bad that it's a very good thing to have your tail-end, last child be a happy, caring daughter. When my energy level would take me no further than the garage to play with some old worn out cars, Alicia was very supportive and even wanted to drive them for me.

Alicia has always been happy - and patient, with her elderly parents. I know she felt cheated to be raised by grandparents - who just happen to be her parents! but she has managed it well. When there are so many children in the family, someone has to be raised by old people.

Alicia has faced other challenges as well, and has been tenacious in holding out for what she thinks is best. Some of you may have heard us call her by her favorite nickname: "Jaws". She got that name by biting the side out of a glass cup when she was only about 3 years old. I think the milk wasn't coming out fast enough. We continued using the name, and she has been like a shark in going for things that are important to her. One challenge has been her position as child number 8, behind 7 strong, successful siblings. I know she has felt intimidated by them some times, but she has been "shark like" in establishing her self as a very talented and successful young lady. She has made the most of her situation and opportunities. (Here he hand wrote a note: trumpet, piano, singing.)

As a pre-schooler, she was once delivered to her school on a day when there was no class. When we realized the mistake and went to look for her, we found she was having a grand time just playing around the class room, making the most of her situation.

She is still like that. She can size up a situation and see what good can come from it, making that her focus.

She certainly deserves the Young Womanhood Recognition award. I know this is just the beginning of many notable accomplishments that will follow in her life.

written by Ronald E. Ward

I have zero memory of my dad reading this when I accepted my Young Womanhood Recognition award. And why it was stuck is some book is a mystery to me. But, now I have it and it is a treasure.

I miss you dad, but thank you for leaving me this small piece of you that lets me know that you are proud of me. I hope that I can always make you proud. Love you.